Finding Grace amidst Stress

Genesis 21:8-21 (NIV)

 8 The child grew and was weaned, and on the day Isaac was weaned Abraham held a great feast.  9 But Sarah saw that the son whom Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham was mocking,  10 and she said to Abraham, "Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that slave woman's son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac."  11 The matter distressed Abraham greatly because it concerned his son.  12 But God said to him, "Do not be so distressed about the boy and your maidservant. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you, because it is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.  13 I will make the son of the maidservant into a nation also, because he is your offspring."  14 Early the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy. She went on her way and wandered in the desert of Beersheba.  15 When the water in the skin was gone, she put the boy under one of the bushes.  16 Then she went off and sat down nearby, about a bowshot away, for she thought, "I cannot watch the boy die." And as she sat there nearby, she began to sob.  17 God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, "What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there.  18 Lift the boy up and take him by the hand, for I will make him into a great nation."  19 Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink.  20 God was with the boy as he grew up. He lived in the desert and became an archer.  21 While he was living in the Desert of Paran, his mother got a wife for him from Egypt. 

In recent years South Korea has been rocked with high profile cases of suicide. Most of these cases can be attributed to high levels of stress that was not dealt with. Although not all stress leads to suicide, it can lead to unhealthy consequences. As I speak on this subject today, I would like to approach it with a lot of humility, acknowledging that it is a very real but complex issue. But I would like to acknowledge that there is no situation beyond God’s power and grace.

Doctors will tell us that stress happens to all of us, and can in some cases be helpful. It helps one work to beat the deadlines, it keeps you on your feet when making a presentation, it causes you to slam you brakes when something comes your way suddenly as you drive. But stress is not always healthy. Actually many times we go through, or work with or live with people who are experiencing unhealthy stress. There are basically two natural causes of stress: the external and the internal. The external are things that happen outside you, like in your job, family, business, ministry, or relationships.  Therapists also cite internal causes of stress – things that come from within you like pessimism, a poor self-esteem, perfectionism, inability to accept uncertainty, or unrealistic expectations.

How do people react to stress? Psychologists summarize the stress responses as either fight or flight.

1.    Some people respond to stress by being angry and agitated.

2.    Others withdraw. They “shut down and space out”.

3.    Still others simply “freeze.” Yet although outwardly people may feel paralyzed outside, inwardly they are agitated.

Is there a biblical response to stress?

In today’s scripture the Bible offers us an example of someone who was going through serious stress. Hagar, who was Abraham’s slave, had borne him a son Ishmael. But after Sarah, Abraham’s wife produced a son Isaac she directed her husband to send Hagar and her son away.

As expected Abraham was greatly troubled by this situation, obviously, because of his love for his son Ishmael and the social obligation. The law at that time was that you could not send away your slave woman with whom you had a child on shaky grounds. But actually God reaffirmed Sarah’s demand and asked Abraham to send the boy and her mother away because God had purposed to raise a nation through Isaac and not Ishmael. Actually Ishmael is representative of works of men as opposed to works of God. Abraham and his wife Sarah had failed in waiting upon God’s promises for His right timing. As a result a child Ishmael was born and he would be a source of stress and anguish in that family and generations that followed.

This actually brings us to the root cause of all the evil in this world: It is because we have chosen to go our way other than God’s way. This is the cause for all the broken relationships, wars, ecological problems like global warming, corporate greed, and even stress.

But there is something in the story that caught my attention. Although God told Abraham to send away his son, He never told him how to send him. So, how did Abraham send them off? 

^{Ge 21:14} Early the next morning Abraham took some food and a skin of water and gave them to Hagar. He set them on her shoulders and then sent her off with the boy.

Abraham could have chosen to do better; he could have given them more supplies, and donkeys to take them. He could have assigned them a slave and given them money to help them. He certainly could have done more.

As you can imagine it doesn’t take long for one bottle of water to run out, especially in a desert. It has been very hot and humid these days. But thank God in Korea, we have the comfort of temperature controlled offices, and fans, and this is obviously a desert.

At this time the mother was heart broken. She couldn’t imagine seeing her son dying in the desert. Stress took its toll on her. There was more that one cause of stress. There were the physical causes, fatigue due to the wanderings in the desert, the hot and scotching desert sun, and the thirst. There were emotional causes too, the anger towards her mistress and master, feelings of rejection, and now the possibility of her son dying of exhaustion.

All she could do was to sit there and sob. But in the midst of her sobbing something happened. God heard the boy crying and spoke to Hagar. ^{Ge 21:17} God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven and said to her, “What is the matter, Hagar? Do not be afraid; God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. God appeared in the wilderness. He spoke to this woman who seemed abandoned and rejected.  When no one else would ever be there, God was there.

This leads us to the first principle on how to deal with stress:

1. Regardless of how abandoned and rejected you may feel God is always there. He sees you. When one is concerned about you. When you feel that all that is left for you is to die, God is there. I am not a psychologist, but I believe that one of the feelings that people who commit suicide have is a feeling that nobody understands what they are going through. And it’s not only those who commit suicide. We all go through moments when we feel misunderstood, alone and lonely, helpless and hopeless. Yet even in those moments, God is there. His name is Jehovah Shammar -the Lord who is there.  He is Jehovah lahai roi – the Lord who sees me. Actually, this was not the fist encounter between the Lord and Hagar. Some years back when she was pregnant she had tried to run away from her mistress. God met her in the wilderness (even then) and the Bible says ^{Ge 16:13} She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”  I call these times, moments of grace. In your moments of stress you need to be sensitive to moments of grace that God brings your way. Make the best use of them. It could be a phone call from an unexpected friend, a random post on your Facebook page, a kind word from an unexpected colleague or workmate.

You also need to learn to not to take yourselves seriously. Learn to laugh at yourself. Always remind yourself that you are not God, and you are bound to making mistakes.

2. Let God help you see what you can’t see physically. God is a God of revelation. ^{Ge 21:19} Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. God did not create the water at that moment. The water was already there. He only enabled her to see it. As we rely on God’s Holy Spirit, he will give us different perspectives on things that we had before. It may be that you are stressed about matters whose solution is already there but you only need God to open your spiritual eyes to see them. It may be that in the wilderness, where you only expect more frustration and death, there is a solution already. All you need is God to give you a new revelation about your situation. God opened her eyes so that she could see the spring.

Sometimes revelation comes as we interact with spiritual friends. Don’t keep stuff to yourself. Find someone more spiritually mature and emotionally stable to share with. Someone said that impression without expression leads to depression.

Other times God may tell you to rest. Do you know that God rested – and not because he was tired but he wanted to enjoy his creation.  I love nature, and many times I find refreshment by just listening to the sound of waterfalls. And it helps me reduce my stress levels. Jesus had Mary Martha and Lazarus as friends where he could go and just rest and relax. We need such places where we can go and feel at home.

My prayer for you today is that in your moments of stress you will encounter a moment of Grace.